yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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