when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
