So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
