he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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