and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
