We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
