Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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