She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
