If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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