I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize