Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
