yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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