We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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