I wish I only lived at night.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
