her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
