I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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