Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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