who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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