We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
