Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
