dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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