Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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