when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
