You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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