Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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