I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
