Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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