Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
