So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just googled if crying burns calories
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
