So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
