well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
