Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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