You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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