John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
