There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex on a dog bed..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
