I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
