3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
