My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its liver damage thursday
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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