How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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