I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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