yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
