you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
