I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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