Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
