hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
handjob tips. give me some.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
