ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My bed smells like the plague
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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