i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
