So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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