put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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