I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
