She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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