This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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