Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize