I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
