i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
