Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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