you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
