She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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