woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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