I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
