hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I smell stomach acid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
