the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
