sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
