my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
third nipple confirmed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
