So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
