Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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