ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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