she woke up with a sticky ear
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
