i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
