She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and she was petting her beer can
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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