u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
