If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
