You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
