I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
