Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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