I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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