i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
