oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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