So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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