I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We left the knife in your bed.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
