i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
