dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
