So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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