Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
