i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
