My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i out mim tonsoeep
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