why didn't you poke me back
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
