i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
