Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
