and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
