Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
