woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize