Umm I'm too high to move.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
