It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
