I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
