If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
