Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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