I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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