I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
