not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
