I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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