Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
