Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
