you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
