I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
