Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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