D3 body, D1 cock
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
