anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
