My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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