i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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