I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it glows. i had to have it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
