I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
