So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
