yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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