I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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