she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
